Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
