I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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