Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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