They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
