Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
