Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
