i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
