Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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