the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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