You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
