i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
birth control should be required to get into college
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
