Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
