He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
