I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
