When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
