K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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