This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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