Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
