I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
