I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
