Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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