Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
