She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
