I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
