Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
