i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
