This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
