Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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