Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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