My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
