I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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