So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize