Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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