I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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