True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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