Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
