Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
