Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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