Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
