he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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