Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
