Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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