I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wish there were birth control emojis
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
