no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Randomize
