I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
