Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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