just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
