If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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