I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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