East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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