genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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