Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
