He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
