tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
