My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
