i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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