Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize