dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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