remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Let's get the cat blown out
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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