Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
