Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
