so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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