my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize