just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
