i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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