its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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