My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
