yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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