if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize