I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
