you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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