i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
