I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
