I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
