my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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